


Blink of an Eye

by MaxRev, Th3_Morrigan



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 09:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17526239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxRev/pseuds/MaxRev, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Th3_Morrigan/pseuds/Th3_Morrigan
Summary: War looms on the horizon and Shepard finds himself thinking about the changes in his life and how they've come about. Finally, good things are happening to him and now, he might very well lose them all. Kaidan helps him put things into perspective and along the way, Shepard realizes the most important thing of all.





	Blink of an Eye

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the MERBB 2019 for the incredibly beautiful art created byTh3_Morrigan [ here](https://blasteddoodles.tumblr.com/post/182289412348/my-entry-and-additional-art-for-this-years) . I had so much fun working with you!!! Hope you like the story ;)
> 
> Thank you Azzy for all you do for us writers and artists, putting this together every time. You're amazing and we all love you for this!
> 
> I also created a playlist for this fic, which you can find on [ Spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/user/6r87evdyq7m521kvcgr70naqp/playlist/5VFpUlvvDY1fg6l1ogI2iv?si=Hmg1zV3gSJ6BjGDkkZTTnw) or on [ YouTube ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3ikQDN10qM&list=PLNzRUnqKmo6uoeBjitp7_90qbu8EfPbgb).

 

 

 

I lay in bed, worry over the coming battle keeping me awake. Had I made the right choices? _Had I done enough_? Kaidan’s head lay on my chest, a comforting weight which rose and fell with my every breath. He slept soundly, and I marveled at his ability to do so. Refusing to wake him with my doubts, I agonized over every little detail quietly in my head.

The light from the fish tank cast a soft glow around the room, outlining Kaidan’s bare arm slung across my chest and unruly black hair beneath my chin with a thin thread of blue much like his biotics when active. But I knew if he opened his eyes they’d be the color of dark honey instead of a bright, glowing blue.

Our fatigues lay in disarray all around the bed - a pair of pants thrown over a chair, another wadded up on the couch, shirts hanging precariously off the edge of the bed. One black boot remained upright on a chair, its partner lying on the steps. All a result of him stating in a deep, husky voice that he hadn’t come for ‘just a drink.’

The hum of the engines, the quiet gurgling of the filters in the fish tank and the soft, rhythmic breathing of the man lying at my side were comforting but still couldn’t lull me to sleep. Datapads littered every available surface, and I struggled, fingers twitching, against the urge to pour over them again.

I tried to focus instead on the fact that this room had become an oasis in the midst of the chaos. At least, it usually was. Tonight appeared to be an exception. Tomorrow would come and nothing would hold it off.

Against my flushed skin, the sheets were stiff and scratchy, yet cool. Kaidan had told me biotics ran hot; he wasn’t wrong. The heat his body gave off was welcome, a balm to my cold and empty soul and yet, I continued to struggle with the fact he was here, with _me_. I had nothing to offer him, broken shell of a man that I was. Yet he persisted, always by my side, always at my back on the battlefield...and off. _You don’t deserve him_ an insidious voice whispered in my ear.

The voice was right and deep down I knew it, but I was powerless to push him away. In fact, my fingers wound their way through disheveled, thick waves like black silk. Kaidan snuffled and wound his arm more firmly around me.

He’d come by earlier, several hours ago to be exact.

 

**_**--------**                                                         **--------**                                                                **--------**_**

 

I’d been headed out of the cabin after pouring endlessly over every datapad, every email, looking over every scrap of intel gathered since leaving Earth so many months ago. I’d found something I needed to verify but when the cabin door whooshed open, Kaidan was standing on the other side, looking better than anyone had a right to after all we’d been through. One moment in particular always standing out of him nearly dying on my watch.

Belatedly I noticed other details, specifically the bottle of Peruvian whiskey I’d given him after he’d woken up in Huerta Memorial and two clear glass tumblers.

“Can’t sleep either?” He’d asked.

Sleep? I’d forgotten what it even was, answering with a shake of my head, “No.”

Moving past me, he stated, “Your going to drive yourself crazy, you know, trying to crunch the numbers and put all those pieces of intel into something making sense.”

He wasn’t wrong. But as much as I would have loved to follow him, I was the Commander. I was in charge and there were things which needed to be done, people I needed to talk to, orders to hand out. There was no time to stop and have a drink. “Kaidan, I-”

“Shhhh…” he interrupted as he went down the stairs. Turning around, he held his arms to the side, the whiskey and tumblers an obvious enticement, “C’mon...one quick drink. Just...five minutes, okay? Then I’ll go.” A shrug of those broad shoulders and he turned to make his way towards the couch.

In the grand scheme of things, I figured five minutes might not matter but I didn’t have the luxury.

“Major,” his head snapped towards mine with the formality, “l know what you're trying to do but there simply isn't time for…” I stared at the tumblers “...for a round of drinks. Not now. That time is long past.” I’d wanted to say something else but the words refused to leave my mouth.

I barely caught the hurt in his eyes before it was replaced by resolve and was it... _anger_? I'd rarely seen Kaidan angry and it was usually directed towards the geth or Cerberus. Never at me, regardless of the things he witnessed me do.

He countered, words heated, “If not now, then when?” He took a step forward, body tense and argued his point, “After we land on earth? Once we make it to London? While we're fighting the Reapers and their armies?” A spark of blue lit his eyes with the strength of his emotions. “Or maybe when we're all dead and it's too late to enjoy a quiet moment together. Will you have time then?”

His words hung in the air between us, nearly crushing me with their weight. When indeed? I just didn’t think I was strong enough to get through such an intimate moment with him and then let him go. He’d changed me in ways I’d never thought were possible and to experience what I felt for him and then possibly lose it all tomorrow? No, I couldn’t bear the weight of that.

I pleaded with him to understand, “Kaidan…” his name caressed my tongue like a lover, “the Alliance put their faith in me, the whole galaxy is counting on me to save them! How am I supposed to just...put things on hold? I didn’t ask for this but since I was tasked with this mission, I’ll damn well give it everything I have to see it through and made sure we win.”

The blue glow faded from brown eyes but his stance didn’t falter. “I know you will. You’ve been a beacon for us all and no one person should ever have been expected to take on everything you have. And I admire you for it but...if you don’t step back, take a minute to...to...breathe, you won’t be good to any of us, you know?”

His hand raked through his hair, mussing up the perfect coif it was usually in. The motion was a sure sign of his concern for me and, I suppose, frustration as well. Kaidan always made sure I ate, got enough sleep, taking on whatever tasks he could to help me out. I gazed at him, really seeing him for the first time - the dark circles under his eyes, how the gray at his temples had become more pronounced, how tired he looked. At least as tired as I felt. We were old soldiers now, had seen more than our share of battles and atrocities none should ever have to deal with.

Shoulders sagging under the weight of the truth he’d spoken, I acquiesced, “You're right. Go ahead and pour us a drink.”

Moving in even closer, he laid his hand on my heart, “I don’t want to be right. It's just...sometimes you need to step back and experience the life going on around you. We'll get through this, _together_ , because of all you've done. I just....” He paused and turned away, pouring whiskey into the two tumblers. Emotion nearly choking him, he handed me a glass, eyes searching mine, “I just found you. I can't lose you now.”

How could I deny him after such a confession? Time stood still as we got lost in each other.

_“I lied.” Brown eyes intense, ablaze with emotion as they gazed into mine, “I...uh...I didn’t come here for a quick drink.” Then..._

_Hot breath on my skin, soft lips against mine, the scrape of stubble, callused fingers firing up all my nerve endings…_

_Whispered words of affection sliding past my cheek and into my ear, muscles flexing beneath my fingers, tender bites followed by a soothing tongue..._

_Sweat slick bodies sliding together in an age old rhythm, shouts of surrender as we tipped over the edge, Kaidan crying out, “I love you.”_

 

**_**---------**                                                     **---------**                                                               **---------**_ **

And now, here we lay in the aftermath.

My eyes drifted down, admiring the dark lashes resting gently against golden skin, a contrast to my scarred and worn body. And again I wondered... _why_?

For as long as I could remember, I’d thought only of myself, giving little thought to those around me - too busy as a child trying to survive, too indifferent as a teenager, too cocky as a soldier, too self-serving as commander of this ship. Everyone became insignificant in the shadow of _the_ Commander Shepard, the man tasked with saving humanity.

I remembered how in the beginning, I resented Kaidan for his integrity, his honor, for doing everything ‘by the book.’ It all seemed such a waste to me. How was it even possible to stand by those ideals during war? I had no time for such nonsense.

_“Try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what...uh...cutting corners can do to someone. I’d hate to see it happen to yo---to my CO...sir.”_

_I couldn’t fathom how he had the impertinence to even talk to me like this, much less why he even cared. “You have a problem with how I carry out missions?” Crossing my arms and leaning back on a heel, I waited for his answer._

_Rubbing the back of his neck, he ducked his head awkwardly, “I’m not questioning the decisions you’ve made, sir. Just...commenting on what I’ve picked up on.”_

_“Hmmm, go ahead, spill your guts, Alenko. I’m all ears.” He couldn’t possibly miss the sarcasm in my voice._

_He was clearly uncomfortable and yet, he didn’t back down. Intriguing. “Once someone lets something slide, it’s...well, it’s like a snowball rolling down the hill gaining speed and picking up more snow.” Those deep brown eyes looked directly into mine, “It just gets bigger and bigger and takes out anything in its path - innocent or not.”_

I got his meaning but stubborn and hardheaded as I was, I didn’t like it, didn’t really care. There were much more important things to think about, like how to take out Saren and any other obstacles in my way. Nodding curtly, I turned on my heel and marched away. Damn him and his by the book approach.

Over time, those ideals began to sink into my soul. That was when I found myself resenting him for something else - for making me realize what a monster I was. All the while, in secret, I admired him for it as well. No one else was willing to confront me, to reach inside the darkness I embraced like a lover, showing me light truly existed in the world around me.

_I asked about his time at BaAT, though this was more to learn about his past, to understand the soldier who had my back, than for any real interest on my part. I had to make sure he was capable. It's what I told myself, anyway._

_“He cut corners,” referring to Vyrnnus, the Turian who'd tried to destroy him at a young age, “pushed all of us hard, beyond our capabilities. I mean...we were just kids, you know? Many of whom never made it through his rigorous training.”_

_I was unimpressed. I had my own past full of stories, many worse than his. However, I let him continue. Kaidan was good at stepping forward when he felt someone was headed down the wrong path. Clearly, that focus was on me right now._

_“So, you think I’m cutting corners? Is that a problem for you, Lieutenant?”_

_“I...sir, when you cut corners, you don’t always see who it affects. Other people get hurt, people who are just going about their lives. I...well, I just want you to know if anything goes sideways, I’m here in case you need to talk. When you see a friend on a ledge, you help them out, pull them back in.”_

_There was something in his voice, his eyes, I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It made me uncomfortable._

Kaidan made me stop, made me question myself- how I thought, how I acted. Kaidan made me _see_ people. Made me want learn about them...who they were behind their fierce soldier’s facade, what drove them, and made them laugh and cry. He made me want to be a part of their lives, to be more than just their leader and instead, to be their friend, their confidant - someone to laugh with and talk with.

Adopting his ideals, I now saw a person in front of me when my finger was on the trigger, rather than just an objective or an obstacle to be removed.

It was staggering to think how far I’d come from the child I’d been, begging on a street corner with no name of my own, owning nothing but the tattered rags hanging on my skinny frame. A skinny kid made up of innocence and naivety turning into a brutal, sullen, street-wise teenager who’d learned all the hard lessons life had to offer and still managed to remain standing throughout them all.

I joined the Alliance and ultimately became a killing machine, removing anything standing in my path without remorse. That kind of power was intoxicating, growing to control my every thought, every action, and how I treated the people around me. I was a colder and more brutal version of the gangster I’d been in the Reds.

 _Until Kaidan_.

The changes in me didn’t happen overnight; I _liked_ who I was. Commander Shepard - a force to be reckoned with, to be feared. I was all powerful and I reveled in that power. I’d never had any and I came to crave it like a drug, always wanting more, never satisfied until I got the next fix. I was loath to give it up for this...this quiet, unassuming, _honorable_ Marine. I fought tooth and nail against all he stood for, what he thought he saw in me, every step of the way.

He made me stop and think, made me see the world around me. A world which didn’t revolve around the great Commander Shepard. The censure in his eyes - the disappointment - when he thought I was cutting corners or deliberately changing the regs to suit my needs or if he felt my actions weren’t honorable...like he knew I could do better.

Despite my resistance, I started to find myself looking forward to end of mission debriefings with him and then with the crew as well. To shared experiences, to my crew’s knowledgeable insight, to the laughter we began to share. Kaidan made me acknowledge the crew of the Normandy and in turn…

 _They made me feel_.

I wasn’t worth all of this. I, the great Commander Shepard, was nothing more than a street rat turned soldier, a weapon forged by the Alliance, a man with no conscience, and a great deal of blood on my hands. Blood I’d put there willingly, eager to take on any mission I was given, to do whatever was required to see it to the end, regardless of the cost.

But over time, _I_ began to think I could do better, _be_ better. It was frustrating, the hold Kaidan had on me.

He was so damn subtle, his honor sneaking up on me, seeping into my soul to change the man I was. I now counted each and every one of the crew as my brothers and sisters. Our bond formed in blood, sweat, tears and laughter. The very blood which flowed through our veins was different but with every battle, every mission, it had merged, making us stronger together.

Over time Kaidan and the crew of the Normandy earned a special place in my life, became a family - _my_ family. People I could trust, who had my back. This incredible family I'd found myself a part of had taught me how to open up, how to depend on others, how to laugh...my eyes drifted down to the man sleeping at my side... _how to love_.

Had I ever told them I was proud of them, that I was honored to be their commander, to lead them into battle, that I enjoyed the wisdom and friendship they had to offer? I hadn’t.

And now I might never get the chance. For some of them, the chance was long gone, never to be found again.

Kaidan had changed me, irrevocably and forever. Yet, even now, the monster inside taunted me - _you don’t deserve him_. I believed it. I _didn’t_ deserve him. I also didn’t deserve to be the commander of the Normandy, to be the leader of such a great crew. I was nothing more than a fraud.

It was only a matter of time before the illusion shattered and the whole galaxy - _Kaidan_ \- would see me for the monster I was. A demon who faced them every day, lived side by side with them and carried their lives in my hands as we marched into battle.

Kaidan was all that was good. He was hope in the midst of despair, honor in the midst of corruption, integrity in the midst of deceit. How could I ever hope to live up to those ideals?

My callused fingertips moved lightly, tracing random patterns over warm, golden skin. I worried they were too rough, would wake him up. Other than a snuffle and repositioning of his body, Kaidan slept on. I paused at each scar, following the dips and hollows around each and every muscle. If this is where I could stay for the rest of my life, I’d forever be content. A feeling I’d never known before.

Yet, if this was all I ever had…

It hit me with the full force of a brute...I might not ever _have_ this again. I might lose all of this after only just finding it. The light which had begun to shine in my life extinguished in the blink of an eye by the Reapers.

Anger burned a path through my veins. It wasn’t fair! Hadn’t I suffered enough pain and darkness throughout my life? Hadn’t I paid my due for all that I’d inflicted on others? Would the cycle never end? After fighting it for so long...I couldn’t now stand the thought of losing all I had - the family I’d become a part of...the love I now had.

Next to me, Kaidan stirred. He exhaled a long breath, my skin heating where it touched. He spoke quietly, voice raspy with sleep, “Shep, your thoughts are so loud they woke me up. Care to turn them off for awhile?”

So wrapped up in my thoughts and feelings, I couldn’t even smile at his attempt at humor. I apologized instead, “Sorry, Kaidan.”

His head came up and though his face was in shadow, I knew his brows were creased in a frown, worry and concern in the depths of whiskey brown eyes. His words said as much, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Moving from where he lay, Kaidan sat beside me on the bed, hands idly running over my body; up my arm, across my collarbone, slowly down my chest to where my briefs rode low on my hips. The muscles in my abs tensed when his fingertips slid along the waistband, occasionally dipping beneath it.

The heat in his eyes I'm sure mirrored my own. I didn’t feel like I deserved it...let alone the way he was making me feel right now.

The silence stretched out between us but I didn’t feel uncomfortable because of it, not at all. I watched Kaidan intently, the change of emotions cross his face. Closing my eyes, I centered myself on just feeling his fingertips as they whispered across my body, pausing at every scar as if to memorize them forever.

His fingers stopped and my eyes opened as the bed moved beside me.

Kaidan was moving up and over me, straddling my hips with a knee on each side, his heat settling down onto me. Unable to hold back, I pushed up into him. A moan slipped from his lips, head tilting back and eyes drifting closed. Slowly, he moved back and forth lightly, teasing. I reveled in it...could never, _ever_ , get enough of how he felt against me.

Opening his eyes, he looked down, suddenly serious. I could almost see the wheels turning inside his head, gathering strength to say something profound. I opened my mouth to stave off whatever he was about to say but he quieted me, placing a rough, calloused finger against my lips.

“I know,” his words were soft but intense, “how it feels to be different, to be set apart from everyone else, to worry about how people see you.” Those words sank deep into my soul...of course he knew. Regardless, I narrowed my eyes, preparing to correct him - to deny it - but the depth of emotion on his face stopped me.

It was like he was reading my mind, “Don’t try to deny it, I know better. I know _you_ better, now. You’re worried you don’t fit everyone’s perceived ideals of who Commander Shepard should be, what he stands for, how he should act, and instead of even bothering to fit the mold, you’re determined to make it your own in any way possible. Regardless of the cost, a cost I know is too high for one man to pay.” His fingers idly traced across my skin, a multitude of patterns, even as his hips continued their gently rocking motion. A motion which ignited all my nerve endings. I felt like everything in my life suddenly made sense and yet, something I wanted _so damn much_ was just tantalizingly beyond my grasp. I didn’t know what it was.

But Kaidan knew. He saw right through me. “I know you feel like you’re an island unto yourself, isolated from those around you.”

The raspy voice lowered an octave, the sound of it causing desire to race through my body. Kaidan sank down onto me, the full weight of his arousal hitting my own. His nostrils flared, eyes darkening with need at the knowledge. His fingers stilled, stopped tracing the patterns, and he just looked at me, gazing steadily into my soul, “You’re not alone, Shep. As long as I breathe, you’ll always have me.”

My hand found his, twined our fingers together, and squeezed, “What would I do without you, Kaidan?”

He smiled tenderly, “You’ll never find out.”

Leaning down over me, his lips met mine in a long kiss which stole my breath. Lengthening his body, he laid down against me completely - skin on skin, chest to chest, legs intertwined. The kiss changed, becoming sinfully wicked as we lost ourselves to each other.

My hands reached up to frame his jaw, fingers sliding through black, silky strands of hair. My thumbs brushed across his cheeks, over the gray at his temples. And just like that, it felt like a dam inside me broke free, all of my feelings rushing out like a tidal wave. The walls I had built were no match against the onslaught that was Kaidan. My hands became restless, desperate to feel his skin, the heat of his body, beneath the pads of my fingers...hot bare skin against my own in the most intimate dance known to man.

                                               

Hot breath mingled between our lips, another kiss, this one ragged and desperate in light of what loomed over us. My tongue traced the curves of his lips, the scars, sliding along the seam and he opened to it. I let it slide inside the warm, moist heat of his mouth.

I traced his teeth, the inside curve of his cheek, until our tongues met, twining around each other. He moaned deep in his throat and I captured it, tasted it, swallowed it down. I swore I could feel it ride down through my body and I shivered at the thought.

We traced each other’s scars - biting, teasing, and nipping at them, tasting the sweat beading up on our skin. His hands moved lower, wrapping around my hips, fingers sliding around and digging into firm muscle. Tracing my jaw with his tongue, he moved lower, stubble rubbing against the tender skin of my throat, eliciting a growl from me. His teeth nipped at my collarbone and I gasped, head tilting backwards and his took advantage, teeth grazing across the taught muscles of my neck.

Strong, muscular legs slid along the outside of mine, his erection bumping up against mine. I couldn’t hold back the moan which left my lips, loud and filled with need. I’d had enough of this. I needed to feel him - _all of him_. Finding the waistband of his briefs, I pushed at them, impatient to have him bared to my gaze, to wrap him in my hand.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating against my chest, “Impatient, Commander?”

“Yes, damn it, I am.” It was the truth. There was no more time for joking around or playful games. This was our last night together and I wanted him. _Now_.

He readily complied, dragging his briefs down and off, returning the favor with mine. I breathed in deeply, overcome at how his body felt next to mine. _This_ was precisely what I wanted. There was a heavy and warm heat against my thigh, a hint of wetness. He moved and I missed the warmth, yet anticipation curled inside of me for what was to come.

Kneeling once again, he wrapped battle-hardened, scarred fingers around both of our erections, lightly moving his hand up and down, squeezing gently. I nearly came then, struggling to push down the need racing through me. My eyes closed, focusing entirely on the way he was making me feel, determined to make this last. The motion stopped suddenly, his hands letting us go and my eyes snapped open, a question in their depths.

He answered it with another question,“I want to try something different. You game?”

My eyebrow rose as I gazed at him for several long seconds, unsure if I was ready to comply with such a request. He waited patiently, as always, while I answered several questions the voice in my head demanded an answer to. The most important one being - do you trust him?

 _Yes_. I nodded to him to go ahead.

He gave me a bright smile, “Turn over?”

Surprising myself as well as him, judging by the slight widening of his eyes, I did as he’d asked. Even so, I nearly froze when his hands wrapped lightly around my ankles. This was a huge moment for me, giving someone this much trust. _It’s Kaidan_. He would never hurt me; I knew this.

I relaxed as those hands slowly began to caress up and over my calves, along my thighs, kneading my buttocks, gently massaging all of my muscles. His thumbs softly traced along the inside my thighs, making me clench in anticipation. He was being a tease. His hands continued their massage, moving higher, massaging the muscles in my back and my shoulders briefly before pulling away.

Was he testing me?

His voice, raspy and deep with need, spoke into the quietness of the room, “You’ve built these walls to keep everyone out, to keep everything out so you can’t be hurt. I get it, done it myself.” His voice was low, soothing, and I nearly missed the importance of what he was saying, “Tear them down for me, Shepard.”

Didn’t he know? Couldn’t he tell I already had? He moved over me again, grasping my hips to tilt them up (?). I could feel every inch of him against my skin. Soft words whispered in my ear, hot breath against my cheek, “I love you as you are. Always and forever.”

I sucked in a breath, my heart stuttering for several beats before returned to normal. I had no answer to that. Well, I did, but could I say it? Could I leave him with the knowledge if I didn’t make it through this war alive? I heard something click. I knew the sound and what it meant. Heat curled low in my gut in anticipation and my thoughts derailed. There'd be time to come back to those later.

Fingers, cool and slick with gel, slid between my cheeks and I nearly spilled myself like a teenager. I knew what he’d planned but I was still unprepared for the punch of lust as he worked to get me ready. I was already hard and close to the breaking point. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take. The surprise melted away as one finger teased around my entrance and I stiffened in response.

“Relax.” Patient as always, he refused to do anything until he knew I was ready. 

Soothing words, easy sentiment, but it had nothing to do with how we were doing things, rather that I was almost at the breaking point.

My commander voice took over as I barked out roughly, “Stop playing, Kaidan.”

He laughed, warm and low, “Aye, aye, sir.”

He was a good soldier, quickly moving into position and I was undone when he positioned himself, the head of his erection sliding inside. Infinitely patient, unlike me, he waited until I was ready and soon, though not soon enough for me, he was all the way inside me, and the fullness was indescribable, overwhelming. But in a good way.

It hit me in that exact moment - how much I loved Kaidan, how I couldn’t imagine a life without him in it...how I might very well end up like that or leave him without me.

Tonight, I’d tear those walls down to the ground and let him in, share everything I had, everything I was and enjoy every single, blissful second with him. Overcome with emotion, I thrust back with his every surge forward. I wanted this, all of it, needed it. _Needed him_.

“ _Kaidan…_ ” his name left my lips on a cry.

Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around me, one around my waist, one around my chest. He began to thrust harder, faster. Then, his hand wrapped around me firmly, following the pace already set, pumping up and down. I was lost in a tidal wave of pleasure, mind blanking out.  

I was lost in _him_.

Not willing for this to end, he slowed his momentum. He was going to drive me mad.

Words tumbled from my lips, hoarse with emotion, “You’re my gravity, Kaidan. You...you're what grounds me, keeps me firmly rooted to here and now...to what matters most.” I didn’t know where he ended and I began. _I didn’t care_.

His movements stopped, the heat of his body gone and I gasped at the loss of it, terrified. Had I said too much?

A hand pushed at my shoulder, urging me to turn over. So I did. Now, we stared at one another, face to face. There was nowhere to hide from our emotions and I didn’t want to. Not anymore. I was undone at the absolute love shining from his eyes - so open, so honest, so intense in his feelings for me. It was nothing short of a miracle someone could feel this way about me. _Me_.

His fingers caressed my face, catching on the stubble of my jaw as they curled around it. The simple caress was almost too much. He stumbled over his words, clearly overcome, “I...I wanted to watch you, to see your face...to...look into your eyes when you tip over the edge. To _see_  your love for me.”

Positioned perfectly between my legs, he wasted no time, grasping my hips, he slid inside me. It felt so right, so perfect, more so than ever before. We were both exactly where we belonged. I wrapped my legs around him, urging him to go faster, harder, to push even deeper inside me. He grasped my hands, twining our fingers to together, joining us even more.

He looked so incredibly beautiful at this moment. I gazed into those beautiful, expressive brown eyes, letting all these raw, intense feelings wash over me. I could never get enough of seeing him like this, of how we were together at this moment in time.

Letting go with one hand, he wrapped it around me and even that was too much. With a shout, my climax ripped through me and I spiraled higher before slowing coming back down. Catching my breath, I watched him with half-lidded eyes. He was close. I squeezed my muscles, a grin forming on my lips when Kaidan growled in response. A few more thrusts, and he was tipping over the edge, a long, low moan accompanying the rush of warmth inside me. We stayed like that until we could breath again. 

He pulled out to lay beside me and I mourned the absence of our connection. We cleaned up and he snuggled back in against me and it felt comfortable, perfect. Idly, I teased the moistened locks of hair. The disheveled look suited him. Was it because I'd helped put it there? Maybe. I grinned at the thought. Would that I could keep this look on him forever. 

Emotions still riding an incredible high, I couldn't help but think of what I might lose tomorrow. Of what _he_ might lose.

“Stop it. I already do more than enough thinking for both of us. Tomorrow’s worries will still be there in the morning. Enjoy this, what we have right now. Please?”

It was a simple request and one I couldn't refuse. He was right, after all. Tomorrow would come soon enough. Better now to enjoy what we have here, what I finally realized after much too long - things can change in the blink of an eye. I’d be more than happy to savor what I had right here in my arms, right now, while I could.


End file.
